Wow it’s been such a long time since I posted something , a lot as happened so far.
I was having a self battle , I felt the need to really discover my self , I felt like I need to put a stand in my life . I had so much worriness and a big fight I was having with my self; everything became kinda worse with the stress of Uni course works to hand in, expecially the research methodology one ..
*Uhu sweet lord 🙄
I don’t know if the right word was falling in depression , but it was something like that , I didn’t want to pick anyone’s call or respond to any message , I didn’t call people or even message , thank God I had no credit to do so, I knew I wanted to be left alone , I was loving being solo , but I knew it was killing me at the same time.
I sleep so late at night but wake up early at the usual time , my eyes were like a clock and automatically opened at a certain time .
I got to the point that I went to bed worried and woke up worried 😩. I began to think about the future , things I want to do , I wished so many things , I was thinking of the achievements I want to get , I was proper in a deep thought about my self .
I began to see my self as an hard maths to solve. There was no remedy !!!
Although if you see me outside I smile I’m usual , but inside was a battlefield.
I almost lost a close friend due to my behaviour but I wasn’t bothered , I literally told the person ” if you leave I will say bye to you , cause I have no strength to run after you , for the way my mind set is at the moment , and the things going on in my life , you may easily go on a forgetting list quickly “. Was I hurt? Yes, kind of but still I was unshakable, I was ready to let go of anyone that wanted to leave despite how much that person could mean to me!! I simply didn’t care.
All I cared about was ME! I felt that if I am not happy how can I transfer happyness to my next ? I need to be happy first for me to uplift someone next to me.
You may ask did u try God ? Well yes and no .
I was skipping church as well I just paused everything except going to work !
Finally yesterday I went to church after 2 weeks of actually not going to any activity .
And …… the confirmation !!
God was speaking to me from the Sunday school up to the end of the service, it stroke my mind that God are u talking to me ? Because everything fits in perfectly with what I feel inside and deep down me !
And where I even felt that his presence was with me and for me was when the choir started ministering , I broke down , looked heaven and cried my life out , I brought out all my feelings in those tears , I felt in my heart all will be fine , what ever the battle is he is in control of it . I cried all day because I was touched spiritually ! I was weak and needed a touch!
That touch was God !!
I found peace I found a sense of peace !
I can say I feel much more better than the past weeks .
I am still a bit down but God who made me , knows my purpose in life , he knows who I am , he knows who I will be n what I will be . He knows everything !
And in that picture I am smiling because life will not defeat me , the devil will not defeat me through his funny tricks . I smile because victory is mine, because I am the daughter of a king , I am a daughter of Zion , a virtous woman , a mighty woman with Might angels having my back. A woman with power. You cannot touch me because I’m covered in the precious blood of Jesus , so no weapons formed against me will ever prosper.
God has strengthen me and revived me.
I feel like a new creature guys .
I want to improve more , cause I feel I am not there yet !! I still feel a bit out of place. But with God all things are possible !!
Just a little update from me, about what is going on see you in the next post
Follow me on Instagram : St3ffy_ & on Twitter @irukablog